@benmathaicomedy: 'Vegetarians' don't eat meat. 'Vegans' also don't eat eggs, milk or cheese. The final step is to just stand there +pretend to be a tree.
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@scorpicpanda: 5: "I went to Banana Land. The bananas danced & had flowers & tiny pandas on their heads." Me: "I'll have whatever that kid's having."
@notalogin: Sex is like lasagna - there's absolutely no reason for it to involve spinach in any form.
@NoTheOtherJohn: ATTORNEY: Ladies and gentlemen, how could my client have committed murder WHEN IT'S AGAINST THE LAW [whispering throughout courtroom]