@Michael1979: Very important new poster I stuck up in town today. This is my first step towards becoming a great businessman
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@bornmiserable: ME: Avenge my death CO-WORKER: That's just a paper cut ME: [coughs, grabs his collar] DON'T YOU NORMALIZE THIS
@TheMichaelRock: Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read.
@ThisOneSayz: *orders large pizza* *opens box* "Let's do this...wait" "Safety first," I whisper as I unbutton my jeans.
@Heather2Go: I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear.