@BrattyBarbie: Very little scares me. So does very big.
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@TheRealRHB: So when a cop asks you why you have a handcuff key on your key ring, saying it was his wife's idea will get you a free ride in his cop car
@iwearaonesie: mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over] me: Yes
@sageboggs: KANYE: I made Taylor Swift famous TRUMP: We should ban all Muslims KANYE: BILL COSBY INNOCENT TRUMP: THE POPE SUCKS KANYE: damn ur good
@UnFitz: Wildflowers are just regular flowers that go clubbing until 4 a.m. and snort coke off of each other's tramp stamps.