@MooseAllain: Very sad to hear about Nigel Farage. Nothing's happened to him, I'm just sad to hear about him.
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@AndyAsAdjective: I scream "You haven't seen the last of me!" & follow with maniacal laughter before slowly backing away. The pharmacist smiles kindly.
@icrushedmyhalo: Boss: Lunch meeting, let's go. Me: Do I have to? Boss: Free food and unlimited alcohol. Me: *moonwalks to the car*
@arandomhim: I bet the guy who invented the percent symbol, %, got his inspiration from watching his wife put on a seatbelt
@Brianhopecomedy: When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.