@calluptome: Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them.
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@bazlyons: [strip to the waist for my fight club debut] Opponent: "dude they meant the top half" *walks away* [I claim victory and retire undefeated]
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Excuse me, where are your nails that twist? Worker: You mean screws? Me: I don't know, I'm not a nail scientist. Worker....