@calluptome: Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them.
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@sarcasm_inc: Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.
@JimmerThatisAll: Today's workout. Light weights. 1 hour parkouring rooftops on my block. It's surprising how many people have skylights in their bathrooms.
@Sam19eighty: Mom: I'm worried you might end up alone. nMe: Don't worry mom, do you know how many followers i have???nMom: ... ( Worried face)
@nbadag: *at the pond* "hon—there's something i need to ask you" *emotional* yes? *blows duck call* *ducks on water arrange to spell out 'TACOS?'*