@calluptome: Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them.
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@jwoodham: "You have a date? With who?" [Sees a fishing boat] "Uh, her name is Net..." [Sees someone with a booger] "Flicks! Net Flicks! Wait. Dammit."
@Carbosly: I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans. I find it lightens the mood.
@TheDreamGhoul: I watched Mad Max and now I'm riding my dog around my living room using two bananas as guns