@bfrosty04: Vicodin and Scotch. When you absolutely, positively need to wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set.
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@InternetHippo: What should we call this portable computer? SOME GUY: Laptop [everyone applauds…w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]
@kramediggles: If someone catches me staring I quickly look to my left & right so they think "oh that girl's not looking at ME she's looking at EVERYTHING"
@Sarcasticsapien: Interviewer: Where were you born? Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.