@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.

@daemonic3: Sweetie, who is this bully stealing your pudding cup before school?!? "Mom, it's-" *dad makes throat slice gesture* "No one, Mom. No one"

@junkfoodjourney: Haha! ????

@DurtMcHurtt: People think I'm kissing an imaginary girl when I play air tuba.

@JessObsess: Me: Do you think I'm fat? Scale: Err