@RappaRick: "My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples

@WritePlay: "The house always wins," muttered Dorothy as she stared at the witch's crushed body.

@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Tell me about yourself" *flashback to when I used hand towels mom said are specifically for guests* I'm a risk taker

@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

@1Happytwit: Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to clean off the walls.