@rockymomax: [castle wall] KNIGHT: the enemy is advancing ME: *panicking* close the gates! man your battle stations! KNIGHT: their chariots are pulled by puppies ME: keep the gates half open. let’s see how this plays out

@seamusmckracken: One day my dad was outside watching a thunder and lightning storm and my mom brought him a metal chair to sit in. A love story

@ItsAndyRyan: Just finished a book about an immortal pet dog. I couldn't put it down.

@WendyLiebman: I once dated a dentist. He had a tiny round mirror on the ceiling over his bed.

@weinerdog4life: Thank you to whoever has been keeping Keanu Reeves busy with a laser pointer for the last 10 years.