@lucyjamesgames: Video game dad jokes are the best dad jokes
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@Marlebean: I don't mean to sound racist, but why do all Chinese food takeout boxes look the same?
@BuckyIsotope: *pregnant wife wakes up* I think my water broke *I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed* Let’s go to the hospital
@papasuncle: [commercial] "Is there a dull film on your dishes?" Me: [looking closely] Holy shit is that The English Patient?
@SuitableHolmes: Do you know where my mexican hat is? - It's somewhere bro.. Fine...a sombrero, but what I'm asking is have you seen it?