@Skoogeth: villain: it seems i’m holding all the cards, mr. bond
james bond: UNO!
@AngelaEhh: An app that tells you the cleanest highway bathrooms. Why isn't this a thing yet.
@Kyle_Lippert: Avril: I want a divorce. You aren't a sk8er boi. So see ya later boi.
Chad: This is how you remind me of what I really am?!
@thetits: Guarantees in life:
3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it
@U_Want_Shum_M8: i'll never forget what my Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket
how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
@Amber_duds: For the past 2 nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I'm terrified to Web MD this. I'm too young to have kittens.