@FattMernandez: Vince Vaughn supports the right to carry guns in public. So if you ever wander into 1 of his movies, you can just shoot yourself.
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@i_Lean: Studying abroad: Spending months in another country. Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley.
@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.
@stephenjmolloy: Chameleon wife: "Does my bum look big in this dress?" Chameleon husband: "What dress? Where are you?"
@KenJennings: Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's "Dinosaurs" were all different species of dinosaur