@FattMernandez: Vince Vaughn supports the right to carry guns in public. So if you ever wander into 1 of his movies, you can just shoot yourself.
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@brakco: I thought I just had a bad headache but according to WebMD I'm a conjoined twin slowly dying from jaundice.
@causticbob: BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.
@karlainvt: Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
@ninjadinosaur1: I think I want to be a ballerina. Or a fire dancer. Or I want to set a ballerina on fire. I don't know. I'm still working it out.