@SarahR_82: Violently swerving ur car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesnt work like it does with humans. Just in case u need to know.
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@ch000ch: 9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole "i don't give a shit anymore" pizzas
@nbadag: DATE: [whispering in my ear] i've got a secret ME: [also whispering] is it tacos DATE: [giggles] no ME: can it be tacos
@thomas_violence: (after spending 15 minutes ripping a video off instagram and reposting it to twitter) who did this 😂😂😂😂😂
@WilliamAder: Glad I'm not a general, because auto-correct just changed "lunch order" to "launch order."