@WheelTod: Virgin Airlines original advertising slogan was "We're so sorry about that but If you give us a chance we swear it will be better next time"
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@iamspacegirl: Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage Elves: no! Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light
@Cyd10e: Old men's pants creep higher & higher up their waist into their armpits. At the end of their lives they're just a pair of pants with a head.
@audipenny: Sometimes I accidentally make eye contact with someone and it's like "well I better just go with it" and I begin sprinting at them
@misfarber: Poor helium. I like to imagine there's a shelium out there somewhere, waiting gaseously