@meganamram: "Vitamin Water"?? Sorry bud, that exists and it's called SOUP
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@MikeMcNeil_: wife: "HOW ARE WE OUT OF ICE AGAIN?" me: "DUNNO," I yell from the bathroom; the penguin and I can barely contain our laughter.
@AddledPixie: "Unhand me you cad!" I shriek, before turning disappointedly to see that I've only caught my shirt in the silverware drawer.
@stanleybehrman: Sorry I called you stupid. It was insensitive and heartless of me. I just assumed that you knew.