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@meganamram: "Vitamin Water"?? Sorry bud, that exists and it's called SOUP
@hdaniels_00: When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep til noon because I am a problem solver
@LindaInDisguise: Siri, make me pancakes.
You have a Blackberry, Linda. Go home, Linda, you're drunk.
@shariv67: Autocorrect and I are so close, we finish each other's sentinels.
@NikiWithIssues: You have a smile that could light up a whole psych ward. <3
@SardonicTart: [Gone for an hour]
Boss: Where have you been?
Me: There was a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and I couldn't find the beginning.