@donjuantip: Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
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@boring_as_heck: Your search - Bruno Mars not wearing a stupid hat - did not match any documents. Did you mean: Bruno Mars wearing a stupid hat.
@J0hnnyBlaze: "Omg, I literally just died" -people who literally don't know what literally means
@stephenjmolloy: Undertaker: "What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?" Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."
@Dr_powpow: Like every good global citizen I've reduced my power consumption by 50% by running all my power off the neighbours while they're on vacation