@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year
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@Discourt: I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done.
@hythemafia: Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your shit in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
@JosesLovesYou: "O honey, it looks like you got your period last night. I guess well need to get new shee- wait! Wait one minute!" ~ Japanese flag designer