@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year
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@Playing_Dad: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance - My stages of getting ready for work
@Sean_Burgundy_: My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me
@Crutnacker: Obama: The Galaxy Note 7 wasn't recalled because it was too secure. Biden: Just let him enjoy my gift, Barack.
@ArfMeasures: 14yo: My voice keeps randomly changing DOCTOR: That's normal at your age 14yo: [Batman voice] Thank you doctor DOCTOR: That's not normal