@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year
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@TheNardvark: Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.
@doublewenis: Hey...quick question, fellas: Does it still count as leg day if you just shaved them?
@ceejoyner: Sir, the breadsticks are limitless, not unlimited. You only get one but its potential as a breadstick knows no bounds.