@SincerelyMen: Voldemort's parents took the "I got your nose" game a little to seriously.
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@totmessmom: We really need to stop with the cute names for devastating storms. Winter Storm Voldemort would be taken much more seriously.
@jwoodham: "Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight.
@turtledumplin: Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he's going to the clinic for a 'work related' injury.