@abhorrent_wife: Volunteer me to do something without checking with me first so I know whose mailbox to leave the dead squirrel in.
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@mattytalks: (Hot babe to me) your brooding drives me wild, what's going on inside your head (Me, thinking about a panini) I don't want to talk about it
@GensPlace: Trying to explain to H that when the doctor said he can have one red wine a day, he didn't mean bottle.
@BigBagOfScum: A fun thing to do is comment "that ain't the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos