@BadIuckBrian: Voted class president. Assassinated.
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@MissNaughty1801: I find it inconsiderate that policemen always ask if I had been drinking but they never bother to ask if I had anything to eat at all
@squirrel74wkgn: *walks in restroom reading phone* *opens stall door & starts peeing* Guy (pooping while staring at his phone): DUDE, WHAT THE...
@Reverend_Scott: Iron Man: I'll hack into their security. Hulk: HULK SMASH DOOR! Thor: I'll silence their guards. Captain America: What's a microwave?
@verycozy: Im sorry, but you only have two weeks to live *slides the doctor a five dollar bill* Ooooh make that 3 weeks buddy *winks at loved ones*