@Robert_Beau: Voting was a lot more fun in the days when you got 4 snapshots for a dollar in the booth.
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@AmericanGent69: Co-Worker: Poor John has been single forever. We should set him up. Me: *hiding cocaine and a gun in his office desk* I’m on it.
@pauleggleston: Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob* Wife: What are these? Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.
@shadygrenade: *ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it's my only one]
@SteveKoehler22: A five year old girl is headed to the National Spelling Bee finals. And I just had to use autocorrect to spell "embarrassed" I'm so emb-