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@brookeivy: Wait, 12 years a slave isn't about marriage?
@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models.
It took him a moment.
@lawyerthoughts: "There is no such thing as a stupid question." - person who has never walked my family through attaching a photo to an email.
@envydatropic: *Uses public restroom
**Squats so long walks out with buns of steel
@delusionaliam: If my calculations are correct, slinky + escalator = everlasting fun.
@TrainedHedonist: Movie idea: Channing Tatum and Chris Hemsworth are called on by the US government to take their shirts off and punch people who read books.