@PaperWash: Wait, Australia is 14 hours ahead of America? Thanks for the 9/11 warning!
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@DadandBuried: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.
@KalvinMacleod: GENIE: u have 5 wishes ME: don't u mean 3 wishes? GENIE: usually but it seems like u have a lot of problems
@jonnysun: grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road
@jjhartinger: *i before e except after c. Unless you're an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm.