@PaperWash: Wait, Australia is 14 hours ahead of America? Thanks for the 9/11 warning!
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@just1fool: I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled.
@NicCageMatch: The turkey is the luckiest one at the Thanksgiving table because it's already dead.
@DaddyNick: Block the toddler from the kitchen while I sweep left, handoff the baby, pass you a bottle and take a shower. On 2. Go! Football parenting
@TennisShoeBoi: On my last flight I watched a woman in front of me pull out her hair and eat it until I fell asleep. Can't do that in first class.