@nachosarah: wait I thought laser eye surgery meant I get laser eyes
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@Sickayduh: "Dad, what's the difference between love and lust?" - Well, ya know your teddy bear? "I love it" - While you're at school, the dog lusts it.
@SeanLowe09: I just heated up a delicious chocolate brownie and put some ice cream on top of it & sat on the couch to enjoy it. Seconds later, Catherine asked Samuel if he’d like a bite on MY brownie. I faked a smile and gave him a bite. Soon after, she asked him AGAIN. I have no wife.