@nachosarah: wait I thought laser eye surgery meant I get laser eyes
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@michaeldyllan: Can't believe New Zealand are introducing a new flag just as I finished memorising the old one.
@FilthyRichmond: I'm calling about the poster for your missing cat. Why not ask the guy who took that picture? Just kidding, I ran over it.
@Shock_Monster: I am a master ninja with my ability to hide silently when someone rings my doorbell.
@UncleDuke1969: “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!” “Nope.” “A spider? An aardvark?” “Wrong. It’s a horse.” “Wow. You can’t draw for shit.”