@DannyZuker: Wait, so when couples are in custody battles it's to KEEP the kids? #WTF
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@Sarcasticsapien: I like how people say pets love you unconditionally like if you didn't feed them and someone else did they wouldn't go to them immediately.
@QwertyJones3: "What'd you do this weekend?" I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino?" *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.
@simoncholland: One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do.