@GianDoh: Wait you misunderstood. When I called you "doll face," I was referring to Chucky.
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@david8hughes: How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida? Was it my knees? Do I have terrorist's knees? Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then? That's good.
@monicaheisey: "the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave" "trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president" "we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"
@adult_keverage: Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here. Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car.
@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.