@Home_Halfway: Wait...you said JAZZ hands? Oh god. I totally misheard you. Please get me a towel.
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@AndyAsAdjective: 7YR OLD: dad, when Bruno Mars sings "so many pretty girls around me & they waking up the rocket," what's he mean? ME: he's a NASA scientist
@thatUPSdude: I just seen a kid yell at his dad and tell him "No jerk!" I yelled at my dad once when I was 12, then I woke up and I was 16.
@PattyArquette: Finally all the people in the White House are being polite. They are all running around saying "pardon me."
@SufficientCharm: 6am: Too tired 8am: This isn't so bad 1pm: OMG so tired 5pm: zombie 8pm: Dead 10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS