@cbme69: Waiter: Do you have any questions about the menu?
Me: Did you laminate these yourself?
@Book_Krazy: Boss: HR wants to see you
Me: What for?
Boss: Mandatory drug test
Me: Oh man, I really can't do any more drugs after the weekend I had
@AndrewNadeau0: Band:Make some noise!
Me:THATS SO VAGUE! WHAT KIND OF NOISE?!
B:I cant hear u!
M:B/C UR PLAN WAS FLAWED FROM THE START!
@sixfootcandy: Those Weren’t Raisinets: A Mouse Tale
@fatherofcomedy: A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
@ChiIdhoodRuiner: [My Wedding]
Me: I do
Me: Or do I?