@cbme69: Waiter: Do you have any questions about the menu?
Me: Did you laminate these yourself?
@MartinPilgrim1: 1.Not leaving my room
2.Not leaving the house
3.Missing someone's birthday party
My childhood punishments have become my adult hobbies.
@papasuncle: Bread as a loaf, bread as a bowl. Bread as a slice or bread as a roll. Bread is delicious, it is a fact. Whoopi's best movie was Sister Act.
@jonnysun: the most efective way to clean ur room, start a creative project, run errands, cook, brush ur teeth and take a shower is to study for a exam
@abgates7: Movie theater: Please silence your phones.
Me, who hasn't taken my phone off silent since 2012: *double-checks*
@ShutUpThatsWho: [ad for umbrellas]
[cut to me trying to swat away raindrops, just getting totally wet]
"There must be a better way!"