@cbme69: Waiter: Do you have any questions about the menu?
Me: Did you laminate these yourself?
@omgthatspunny: What did Dr. Dre say when 50 Cent gave him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
@FattMernandez: Django and Bjork, sitting in a tree, j-j-j-j-j-j-j.
@Sal0630: Boss: I'll tell you what I want
Me: So tell me what you want, what you really really want
*office breaks into Spice Girls dance routine
@HairyJew4Life: Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn't it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
@Reverend_Scott: The year 2077. Due to the dog filter, face swap, and distortion filters, senior citizens have no idea what they really looked like as teens.