@cbme69: Waiter: Do you have any questions about the menu?
Me: Did you laminate these yourself?
@stephenjmolloy: Magician: "Think of a card."
Magician: "You are thinking of the.. 3 OF SPADES!"
Me: "I was thinking about a get well soon card."
@iamk1ts: Definition of Rap Songs: Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
@Fred_Delicious: [sees some cut grass]
[sees some ripped leaves]
[sees a twig with a 6 pack]
@mrtruthandsoul: According to math, I'm broke
@llvvzz: You know what's better than being married? Everything.