@cbme69: Waiter: Do you have any questions about the menu?
Me: Did you laminate these yourself?
@BenBrouckaert: If there isn't a fireworks company whose slogan is "our business is booming," that seems like a real missed opportunity.
@Paxochka: Now that Steve Jobs is gone we'll never ever know why c**t autocorrects to Cynthia.
WHO WAS CYNTHIA?!?
@Izianikapani: Brushed the fur off my couch and made another cat.
@tastefactory: Girl, did it hurt...when you fell from heaven? *smooshed girl bobs away making accordion sounds*
@NoTheOtherJohn: "Welcome to lazy club. My name i-*doors get kicked in*
"THIS IS A ROBBERY! NOBODY MOVE!"
[voice from the back] "Nobody was going to."