@cbme69: Waiter: Do you have any questions about the menu?
Me: Did you laminate these yourself?
@fatherofcomedy: A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
@Philosopherbing: People who say "Don't shit where you eat" have clearly never heard of Chipotle
@WheelTod: "This isn't working out," I insist to my girlfriend as we glide effortlessly downhill on her tandem bicycle.
@CatherineLMK: Hey remember that snarky insult you threw my way three weeks ago? Well now I have comeback so please repeat it.
@Fred_Delicious: uh-oh. Bad news for Trump