@therichards5: [looks at text from 2 days ago]
Me: Sorry about your car, do you still need a ride home?
@scrirc: All the single ladies
(All the single ladies)
All the single ladies
(All the single ladies)
Have cats.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I'm way tougher than you.
Wife: I gave birth twice without an epidural.
Me: So?
Wife: You called in sick for an ice cream headache.
@AmishPornStar1: Never judge a book by its cover...
Take it to dinner and see how it treats the waitstaff, then judge it.
@jeannerbeaner: "No more self-deprecating tweets," I whisper fatly.
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