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@MonkeyinaDress: Waiter: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Is Kohl's cash okay?
@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"
@AbrasiveGhost: GOD: I call them Water Buffalo
ANGEL: But they live on land
ANGEL: u really dont care anymore do u
GOD: Not a bit
@Harbinger_one: Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
@GashleyMadison: Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.
@hippieswordfish: absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh