@EmrgencyKittens: "Waiter... there's a hare in my pancakes!"
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@Home_Halfway: In high school I was voted class clown after I gave people red balloons and dragged them into the sewer.
@EndhooS: Cop: can u describe your attacker Me: super aggressive, with a big nose & powerful arms Cop: u just described a seagull Me: he took my chips
@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.