@ObscureGent: Waiting for Bernie Sanders to come out from under the ring and hitting someone with a steel chair to claim the presidential belt.
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@DontTouchMyWine: I’m the kind of girl who won’t stop until you’re screaming your safeword. Related: Your safeword’s the first 16 digits of your credit card.
@corysnearowski: In 5th grade I had to do a report on Ben Franklin and my parents interpreted it as me liking him so my 11th birthday was Ben Franklin themed
@wandering_leaf9: *Me & dog* *duel for the last piece of chicken* *tosses a stick to distract* *fetches the stick* *chicken is gone* Well played Peanut...!!
@EvilHarpy: Man at the dog park: Who's a good girl? WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL???? Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*