@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "What are your strengths?" Me: I fall in love easily. "Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?" Me: Those blue eyes of yours.
@JakeDuarte43: Auto correct is like when a 3yo kid wants to help wash the car.its a nice gesture but really its just slowing shit down! :)