@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
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@JaymayAllDay: 1st grade: Color inside the lines. 10th grade: Color outside the lines. Art School: Snort the lines and then go color.
@pleatedjeans: Halloween is great bc kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
@NateMorrising: For sale: Golden Retriever, had for 9 months, has yet to retrieve gold. Should have bought a metal detector.
@LizHackett: I once saw a real bear in the wild and said "Aww, look at him!" What I'm saying is, don't turn to me for practical thinking in an emergency.