@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
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@PascalSloths: Petting my dog with a spatula cause I'm too lazy to reach and he is too lazy to move closer Why is there a spatula in my room?
@VicFuture: Why its called 'having your period' and not 'rolling out the red carpet ' I'll never know.
@jonnysun: gettin prety good at makin baloon animals, so far i can make: - a snake - worm - eel - dog, hot - 2 snakes
@Douchekevin: The problem was that everyone was poking my ex on Facebook. And in my bed And on my couch And in my car And when I was at work