@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
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@chimneyspotter: DR: Are you sexually active? ME: Very DR: Eating donuts alone in your car doesn't count ME: Still yes DR: Neither do croissants ME: Then no
@bourgeoisalien: Who cares if you have regrets on your death bed. You're about to die. I have regret everyday and have like another 40 years of this garbage
@Sickayduh: HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession. ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance.