@OnBeingHer: 6: I'm going outside to play. Me: Stay in your own yard. 6: Define "my own yard" Me: .... have fun. So her mother's child.

@70Ceeks: Chefs who can't admit failure present: Soft-boiled eggs Steak tartare Twice-baked potatoes Sour cream Calzones Pineapple upside down cake

@ninjadinosaur1: have a nail gun and some boards laying around? show him you love him by adding some attractive wood paneling to his car

@thulnicolle: Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.

@noog: [aliens talking] "They call it a sel-fee" A photograph of oneself? "Sometimes several" But why? "We have one theory" Go on "They're idiots"