@imadepoopstoday: Wake Me Up Before You YOLO. #RuinAn80sSong
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@Amusitr0n: [clenching fists] "I'll fight someone" Waiter: For the last time sir, 'cheese plate' describes the items on the plate not the plate itself
@michaeljhudson: I brought a t-shirt cannon to a knife fight. Everyone dropped their knives to catch their own piece of WNBA history.
@KeetPotato: priest: "does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?" me: "SHE LEAVES THE VOLUME ON ODD NUMBERS" priest: [slowly closes bible]