@donni: Wake up, kids! Bees can't even read, much less spell. IT'S A SCAM!
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@shopkins776: *Lying in hospital Doctor)Your back is broken in 6 places. You may never walk again Me)At least I got all the groceries in one trip
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony
@badbanana: Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.
@Gooooats: My kitten is probably the most playful creature on the planet, but it's less cute when you realize it's all just bird murder practice.