@theyearofelan: Wake up your lover by hysterically screaming "Are you sleeping?!?!"
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@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
@jergarl: I wanna join a gang so I can get in a street fight with a rival gang and intimidatingly snap my fingers to a clever song about friendship.
@FrogAvalanche: "How's the wine?" "House red?" "Yes." *sips, swills, spits* "Wow it's got too much body." "Sorry, I should have evicted the tenants first."
@KyleMcDowell86: [old couple feeding ducks in the park] "Nothing could ruin this Edna" *I scare all the ducks away, punch the old man and steal their bread