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@Mr_Kapowski: *wakes from a dead sleep*
SHOULDN'T RED BULL GIVE YOU HORNS?
@KeetPotato: "this has never happened before"
is that a yes or no?
"let me check"
[talks into radio]
"steve can we let a dog on the rollercoaster?"
@meganamram: Cleanliness is next to godliness in a dictionary missing some stuff
Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?"
[me, alone, eating nachos a table over]
@JimGaffigan: "Today I'm just going to wear pajamas all day." - Hugh Hefner ever morning of his life.
@jackmackenroth: If I had kids I would name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete so when they misbehaved I would just hit them all at once.