@ch000ch: [wakes up from a 15 year coma] sweet, x files still goin strong
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@KenJennings: TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty.
@YWIR: Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote you can be distant and vague? ME: *staring out the window* Idk, maybe.
@shkeeber: I would never take candy from a stranger, but I'd probably follow a trail of bacon straight into the back of a windowless white van.