@ch000ch: [wakes up from a 15 year coma] sweet, x files still goin strong
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@WheelTod: Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said "Care to make this interesting?" And I said "Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"
@Sickayduh: ME: Why are you leaving? WIFE: I have hated every stupid pun of yours since we left Manhasset 20 years ago ME: Manhasset been that long?
@Thynebear: *walks up to bouncer* "sorry pal, this is a private country club" *peeks inside* [everybody's fist pumping hard as heck to kenny chesney]