@TheRolo: [Wakes up to a mysterious noise]
Lover, is that you?
*Refrigerator hums loudly*
@ForeverHairy: Me: Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?
Kids: WE DO! YAY!
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: Omg all the kids are asleep! I can finally sit and relax!
Dog: Yeah. About that. *pukes all over living room*
@KalvinMacleod: BLACK WIDOW: help I think my husband is dead
911: did u murder him?
BLACK WIDOW: uh
BLACK WIDOW: *quietly hangs up the phone*
@LizHackett: "Why don't you have kids yet?" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym.
@tackoftheJar: *Sandra Bullock floating around in the background of all the new Star Wars movies*