@TheRolo: [Wakes up to a mysterious noise]
Lover, is that you?
*Refrigerator hums loudly*
@Token_Geezer: *sees baby*
*feels sad that my kids aren't babies anymore*
*sees look of exhausted despair in baby's parents eyes*
@murrman5: [wife calls]
did you write "make all the traps from home alone" on the calendar
[me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] "no"
@IamEveryDayPpl: Prius and Smart Car owners in my neighborhood got together and banned leaf blowers for safety reasons...
@crimson_n_aqua: Had a discussion with my boss about how lanyards can strangle.... conversation took a turn.... I am either fired or getting a HUGE raise x2
@LADaddy: The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser.
I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat.