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@cutedingus: *wakes up*
@ericsshadow: [emergency room]
DOCTOR: Point to what's causing you the most pain
ME: I can't, they're at home playing xbox
@TheNardvark: Sorry honey, they were all out of Turnt Triscuits.
@CWKhalil: Some cats just sit there looking at you like you owe them money.
@GregDorris: "Hippos are actually more dangerous than crocodiles and sharks combined." - Moron who clearly hasn't pictured a Crocoshark.
@brennadine: Sorry I said your mom's beef stroganoff was stroganawful.