@lawblob: Waldo books are cute until u learn he owes $100,000 in unpaid child support & is wanted for arson
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@kelkulus: When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people.
@terio1429: Library charged my Visa $15.60 for my son's lost Dr. Seuss book. Teri got mad oh yes she did, Teri got angry and grounded her kid.
@LoveNLunchmeat: My eyesight is just terrible since having kids. I'm always seeing double. It's a nightmare! Optometrist: Ma'am you have identical twins...
@IGotsSmarts: If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one