@lawblob: Waldo books are cute until u learn he owes $100,000 in unpaid child support & is wanted for arson
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@STEELERS1972: The neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the creepy guy & I'm the only one not invited. Weird.
@petemandik: [touching face upon receiving compliment] Glad you like it. But, it's not a teardrop tattoo. It's an Oxford comma.
@kumailn: "Well we've been looking for this multiple homicide suspect for 5 minutes. Time to close the investigation forever." - cops in GTA 5