@badbanana: Walk into a random building, go to a random floor, step into a random meeting, and take a donut. Best donut you'll ever eat.
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@Deirdreocx: [Courtroom] Judge: Have you been up before me? Convict: I don't know, Judge. What time were you up this morning?
@dave_cactus: ME: I quit texting and driving after the accident. HER: Were you hurt? [flashback to 12 hot dogs rolling off the dashboard] ME: So hurt.
@taylorhosey1: How can people get engaged after dating less than a year? You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker
@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: You don’t have a shot with Padmé. Anakin: Don’t underestimate my charm. *stares at her creepily for the rest of the movie*