@YayForJam: Walk into karate dojo. Bow. Assume made up karate stance. Taser the first guy who runs at you. Bow. Exit karate dojo
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@joeljeffrey: Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you dont know the man & he doesnt know youre eating his popcorn
@sfreeze6: [on deathbed - calls for son] ".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."
@djdarrellripley: Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub? I put soap and water in there every day...
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *gets in pool* Come on in. 4-year-old: No, there might be sharks. Me: 4: Me: 4: Me: *gets out of pool*