@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...
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@theshamingofjay: Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason.
@ceejoyner: Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent's face there is no known comeback.
@MyHairyLife: I will not eat a donut. I will not eat a donut. I will not eat... I will not eat a third donut. I will not eat a third donut.
@notacroc: TIM: how are you? ME: it's Monday TIM: yeah ME: the sun is up TIM: are u just listing facts? ME: lettuce is a member of the sunflower family