@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...
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@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
@IRLPepperMD: *talking to mailman* So are you like, made of mail? *mailman laughs* "sure, kid" So that must mean.. *fireman & garbageman walk by* Holy shi
@TheCatWhisprer: [trying to stop my toddler's tantrum in a restaurant] *harsh whisper* If you don't cut it out right now then there's nothing else I can do
@siddharth3: Startup idea: a gym named Resolution that runs for the 1st month of the year, collects subscription fee, then converts to a bar named Regret