@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...
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@SalimAliAhmad: Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
@jabba_jabba_jaw: Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go? God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that.
@TheMichaelRock: It's difficult to be romantic when your dog always eats the trail of McNuggets leading to the bedroom.
@Fyrekrakr73: Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"