@OrigamiUndies: Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, "excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"
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@jakob_huber: Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
@thedad: Wife: can you pick up milk? Me, flexing: what do you think? Wife: just get a small carton
@daemonic3: REALTOR: This community has a great neighborhood watch WIFE: [sees me suddenly excited] Don't you dare ME: WHO DECIDES WHO GETS TO WEAR IT
@XplodingUnicorn: Moses: Thanks for the mana in the desert. God: No problem. Moses: But since you can make anything- God: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO PIZZA.