@teacup_giraffe: Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say "What's up, Chad?" & he'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"
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@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.
@Mr_Kapowski: Guarantees in life 1. Death 2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill
@Adam14: Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.