@jsaffle1: *walk up to woman breastfeeding baby* Is this guy bothering you?
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@AndyAsAdjective: I now feel I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I'll be able to successfully make it in prison.
@mlccm: Dear god, please let me have sex at least as often as adobe or java needs an update. Everyday.
@bourgeoisalien: I feel like maybe if God didn't spend all his time helping people win at sports and awards shows he'd have time to fix some shit
@AimeeHelene1: *walks into door on street, looks around* Whew...no one saw me... One year later... *watching TV* *sees self on Funniest Videos*