@joshgondelman: Walked by a restaurant where they were using iPads for menus. How cheap are iPads now? More importantly, how expensive are menus?
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@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
@TheTweetOfGod: Wouldn't that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? "So retro!", you'd think as you were vaporized.
@AdamBroud: Gym Employee: Thats not how you operate that machine, sir. Me: *Hanging clothes all over treadmill* But this is how I use it at home.
@ilovepie84: I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep