@joshgondelman: Walked by a restaurant where they were using iPads for menus. How cheap are iPads now? More importantly, how expensive are menus?
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@trentistweeting: WIFE: you're so overly dramatic ME: no i'm not [10 hired backup singers burst through the wall shouting "no he's not"] dammit guys, not now
@neerjagurnani: Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I'm affordable" instead of "I'm adorable". Stop embarrassing me.
@Reverend_Scott: [bum holds his hand out] "can I have some change?" change comes from within "thank u. now I'm not poor anymore"