@biorhythmist: Walked into a spider web and did an hour of tai chi in five seconds.
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@squirrel74wkgn: All these gifts today better get me laid. Wife (in a narrator's voice): ...but, then she overheard him talking...and he never did get laid.
@WarrenHolstein: Police say Oscar Pistorius is a flight risk. How? Does he also have a pair of propeller feet?
@Beardson: There is a small dent on the side of this plane. It must have a... *Puts on sunglasses* "Airline fracture"