@biorhythmist: Walked into a spider web and did an hour of tai chi in five seconds.
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@Reverend_Scott: "Kids are picking on me, Mom" I'll teach you how to fight, son. "Yes!" [Mom spreads rumors about son and ignores him for 3 days]
@librarianfonz: There are gravy trains and boats. I wonder what gravy did to get on a no-fly list.
@Cuntypants: Sorry I yelled "SURPRISE!" when you caught me in bed with your husband. I was unaware that you don't like surprises.