@Brianhopecomedy: Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room.
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@dawny716: Damn girl, are you alcohol? Because I've had too much of you and I'm going to throw up.
@MelvinofYork: I just told my boss that "STFU" stands for "Sincere Thanks For Understanding" and it's REALLY important that none of you tell him otherwise
@AnOrangeSNES: [Commercial for narrators] Narrator: Don't you wish someone would tell you important information in a soothing voice? NARRATORS