@Brianhopecomedy: Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room.
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@smickable: "Maybe a nap will cheer me up!" she said knowing full well she'd wake up feeling like a prisoner of war who time traveled in a sack of bees.
@brendohare: Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
@Jacob_Swift16: You know you're the family addict when it's time to light birthday candles & everyone looks at you knowing you have a lighter in your pocket
@buhsbaby_baby: Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don't like.