@Brianhopecomedy: Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room.
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@jazmasta: My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl's house after watching "How I Met Your Mother" with her.
@juskewitch: The most troubling examples of sexism, homophobia and racism that I've ever heard are things I've said driving on the New Jersey Turnpike.
@iwearaonesie: *wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* "Dad are you coming too?" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me